Book Review: Ask for It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want

A few months ago, I was working up the nerve to ask for an Employee Review (in other words, a raise) and my Life/Business Coach Lisa J. Peck suggested I get a book on negotiation designed specifically for women. One of the best books on the topic is called Ask For it: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, so I downloaded it from Audible to my Android phone and started listening to it right away.

The unfortunate fact of the matter is that women don’t ask for the things that they want and need. Men, however, initiate negotiations about four times as frequently as women do.

If you’ve ever wondered the cost of not asking, here’s a shocking example from Ask for It:

Not negotiating their salaries, it turns out, can be outrageously expensive for women. … At 22, just out of college, you and a 22-year old man with the same qualifications are offered the same job for the same salary — $25,000. You accept the $25,000 while the man negotiates and raises his starting offer to $30,000. The man deposits the extra $5,000 in a low-earning account, an account that grows about 3% every year. Throughout the rest of your working lives, the two of you both earn 3% annually salary increases but you can’t keep pace with his because he started out higher. Every year the man takes the difference between what he would have earned if he’d accepted the $25,000 — what you’re earning — and what he’s actually earning because he negotiated for more, and he adds that amount to the same bank low yield account he opened when he was 22. By the time he’s ready to retire at 65, that account contains $784,192 over 3/4 of a million dollars accumulated simply because he negotiated that one time. That’s over 3/4 of a million dollars you don’t have simply because you didn’t negotiate.

Disconcerting, no?

Here are some of the lessons I gleaned from Ask for It that may be helpful for you in negotiation as well.

Negotiation isn’t just about getting a raise. Use negotiation for things you want in your life. You can negotiate for a better job title, training opportunities, recognition for your contributions, flexible hours, permission to work from home, getting a better price while shopping, or even housework responsibilities that you share with your spouse or roommate.

Things can be changed. If there are things in your life that are a consistent source of annoyance, irritation and frustration, stretch your mindset to believe that things can change, then figure out how you can make it happen. Instead of asking if something is negotiable, assume that it is.

Don’t leave the control in someone else’s court. If you have been waiting for your supervisors to recognize your contributions and promote you and compensate you accordingly, you may be waiting for a long time. This is management style at its best, but many managers are reactionary in today’s workforce.

Louisa, who had been with her organization for years, still had the job title Administrative Assistant though the company wouldn’t function properly without her. After asking for a title upgrade and receiving a 10% raise in the process, she wondered why she hadn’t asked for it sooner. “I just assumed it was up to him,” said Louisa. “Since he hadn’t changed it, I figured he had a good reason.” The reality was that her boss was so tied up in his responsibilities that he hadn’t even thought of her.

If you want more responsibility, ask for it. If you want additional training opportunities, ask for it. As the book says, “Don’t leave it up to someone else to determine the shape of your career.”

Do your research. If you are asking for a raise, make sure that you can document the contributions that you have made to your organization. Also, research what people in your field are making on average so it strengthens your position.

It’s about being okay if the answer is no. Sometimes we are just so scared that the answer is going to be know that we don’t ask for it to begin with, while letting feelings of frustration simmer beneath the surface. Prepare, present your best argument but be willing to accept it if the answer is no.

All you have to do is ask. After internalizing these concepts about negotiation, I was celebrating my anniversary in Park City with my husband. When we got to our hotel room, we realized it wasn’t at all what we had in mind. So we called the front desk and they upgraded us to a suite nearly double the size with a deck and full bath for only $8. You’ll never know until you ask!

Since listening to Ask For It, I have successfully asked for and negotiated several things in my professional and personal life with tremendous results. Believe me — successfully negotiating will make you feel on top of the world.

Have you had experiences negotiating you can share with the class?