Photo: Harvard.edu
Our first Awesome Things Professors Say blog post was a huge hit and called for an encore, so here’s part II with more hilarious one-liners from your favorite college professors. Enjoy.
- “We predict benzene to be high in energy. But predictions are wrong almost all the time. You’ll learn that.” - withendlesslove‘s Organic Chemistry professor
- “You look at the bowerbirds, and they don’t just sing or build nests or collect things. They dance.” - a random Anthropology Professor lifeacommentary heard
- “Aromatics are known as the ‘pleasant smelling’ compounds. That’s not to say that they actually smell nice, they just don’t smelling horrendous and revolting, like everything else in chemistry.” - withendlesslove‘s Organic Chemistry professor
- “If you don’t know or understand how something works isn’t it technically magic?” - agreetobeindecisive‘s English 101 professor
- “Don’t smoke weed. You might end up with a PhD and be a professor.” - tawandamoe‘s professor
- “If the only tool you have is a hammer, then all your problems will look like nails.” - casschan‘s Genetics professor
- “Do homeless people eat puppies?” - theeffectisshattering‘s professor (the class agreed homeless people eat squirrels)
- Professor: Before we start class, does anyone know a Vera Bradley? Anyone? Vera Bradley! She lost her keys!
Class: *laughing*
Professor: Vera Bradley! If anyone knows her, her keys will be here!
Class: *laughing harder*
Professor: Obviously there is something I’m not getting… Anyone care to explain?
Student: Vera Bradley is a brand, not a student! - taftellove’s professor - “DNA is actually a very delicate thing. So for those of you that want to grow up to become mass murderers, clean up your crime scene with household bleach.” - thisismyrequiem’s ISB 200 professor
- I learned my intro to music professor signs his emails “Cookies, Michael Christoph.” -dude-itsvonni
- “In college 90% correct is an A, in the real engineering world…90% correct is catastrophic failure.” - frankaguilar‘s professor
- “Professor: So first we would debit cash in assets, then credit revenues in the income statement. Second base down, now on to third base.
A couple of students and I: (in unison) That’s what she said.” - ermthatgirloverthere‘s Accounting professor - “Theoretically, we are limited; practically, we are free.” - biyabo‘s professor
- “VP’s are are like rabbits in a bank, they’re f-ing everywhere.” - angiebarr‘s Finance professor
- “I’m going to answer that question by describing the way I feel about skirts. It should be long enough to cover the topic, but short enough to keep things interesting.” - lauraswanson‘s Chemistry professor on how long their essays should be
- “I wonder how many female babies are named Gay nowadays. I don’t think it’s very common, is it?” - greatwings‘s Linguistics professor
- “Babies! You’d know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of owning one…they are quite interesting!” - nashhha‘s Neuropsychology professor
- Professor: “Ah, Jeremy! Great to have you here with us. We were actually just talking about the lateness policy.”
Jeremy: “Well obviously I’m the poster-boy for good attendance.”
Professor: “Everyone this is Jeremy; we’ve had a class together already. I will be picking on him all semester.” - jermtube‘s professor - “So here I am with my foot in a hornet’s nest, and an expensive canoe above my head, and I planned out an energetic dance to shake it off…and I couldn’t have done it without a cortex.” - nashhha‘s Neuropsychology professor
- “I’m pretty sure there is no positive correlation with GRE scores and social ability.” - sunnyx‘s Psych Testing professor, who proceeded to push an imaginary pair of glasses up the bridge of his nose.
- “Men are more likely than women to lie about killing someone than women are. We’re sketchy like that. Don’t trust us.” - sardonicsmartass‘s Criminology TA
- “Lassos. Weird stuff man. Just one of those crazy things they do in Texas, right?” - withendlesslove‘s Organic Chemistry professor
- “I think that says a lot about the state of feminism these days. Gloria Steinem gets to sleep in a canopy bed on the Upper East Side. And meanwhile you students are relegated to meeting secretly in basements.” - suzyxisntreal‘s senior thesis advisor.
- “We are born with the capacity for consciousness and the responsibility to use consciousness and consciously choose how to behave and consciously choose the contents of our own consciousness.” - halfnakedhousewife‘s professor
- “Life is an STD that is always fatal.” - Derek’s New Testament Religion Professor
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“Actually, I would say that mac and cheese is living in a sense because it comes from PLANTS!” -rolltiderachel‘s TA
Care to add to the list?
“If you’re looking for an easy A….Congratulations! You hit the f&*%ing jackpot!”
- Mark Hoeger, Instructor, Film History and Appreciation
Sometimes an easy class is exactly what we need. Thanks for sharing, Jake!
After students discussion of Michael Jackson’s death, my professor says, “He doesn’t matter he’s dead”. He teaches art history.
Isn’t that ironic! Thanks for sharing, Pirate Queen.