College Admissions Essay: Say vs. Mean

College admission essays are pretty standard these days when it comes to getting into your dream school but sometimes they can feel like such a pain! Here is a humorous interpretation of a college admission essay to help give you some comical relief to all of your schmoozing.

Why do you want to go to (insert university name)?

What you say: I want to attend “Insert institution name here” because of the quality of education I know they provide. I would be honored to attend such a prestigious university”

What you mean: I really just want to go to college, you’re on my list of 7 that I’m applying to but I’m trying to make you feel special.

Why do you want to go to college?

What you say: Education is the foundation of society. I feel that it is my responsibility to educate myself in order to be a successful and productive citizen.

What you mean: All of my friends are moving away and my parents have been on me about this for year. College will give me a chance to live on my own with no curfew. College is the only place where it is socially acceptable to drink too much and be promiscuous. I’m not passing this up. Oh, and I’d like a job that pays me well.

What do you hope to get out of your education?

What you say: I’d love to establish a strong base of knowledge in my field. I believe that by studying within your institution that I will be leave equipped with the skills and education needed to peruse my dream career.

What you mean: I’d like to get a job that pays me more than minimum wage. I’m not built for manual labor and a degree is my ticket out. If I could not be unemployed or homeless, that would be awesome.

Why should we accept you?

What you say: I feel as though my grades and test scores prove that I’m a student dedicated to my education. I have been active in several clubs and organizations. I have also established a strong relationship with several volunteer organizations. I feel that I bring not only a strong education background, but that I could contribute to the college and its community.

What you mean: Because I’m willing to pay the outrageous tuition and fees you’re charging. I won’t disrupt class too often and I really need to go somewhere next year.