Sometimes college professors say the funniest things. One of your favorite back to school activities may be listening to awesome things that your college professors have to say. If you have a cool college professor, you’ve likely heard things that have made you laugh like…
- “Don’t cheat in this class, you will fail this course and then you will die.” The first words of my class this morning. That woke me up. - Audrey
- “Our professor strapped a teletubby to a bouncy ball to show us how we can only view a certain part of the sky from different places on earth. Gotta love Discovering the Universe.” - Jessica Banks
- “In Kingship, I am the king. I love you. You love me…..we’re a happy family.” - Deecue‘s Government Teacher
-
“Yesterday, my Math 1B GSI (Graduate Student Instructor) compared integration by parts to pirates and ninjas.” - feendaffaire
- “It may seem a silly reason to go to war, but put it in modern terms. Imagine if Michelle Obama ran off with Kim Jong Il. That would be….God that would be so weird…” - rycitycentral‘s Literature as Art professor on the Torjan War
- “I’m in intermediate microeconomics. My professor is using Harry, Ron, and Hermione as examples of different levels of productivity.” - theycallmeaviendha
- “So Harriet Tubman was — that was my hip by the way. I didn’t just fart in front of you guys.” - talkingshrimp‘s History teacher
- “Dear Students, Please consider using our office hours as an opportunity to learn. It feels lonely sitting in my office when nobody shows-up.” - confusedquark‘s Logic Systems professor
- “You’ve never seen Mickey Mouse stop a dialogue sequence to groom himself. But real mice WILL do that.” - nashhha‘s Neuropsychology professor
- “In today’s class, my professor said she would give anything in the world for two minutes to be in the mind of her cat.” - xphosho’s Professor
- “Student: Is there a participation grade?
Professor: No, I think that only rewards the bullsh!tters that drone on and on and on.” - yaej‘s Ethics and International Relations Class - “What the hell is wrong with you guys? Why the hell are you depressed? Barely in your 20s! Be happy! You are young, beautiful, handsome, brainy, you have the world at your finger tips! These are your golden years. It is beautiful in this world; California weather, eh? God has blessed us! Be happy!” - arrajane‘s Professor Spyridakis
- “I’d like to live with Bill Murray.” - bccrayolamakher‘s Composition professor
- “If you haven’t found the textbook yet you guys might also want to try Wal-mart.com.” - fornowjustcarryon‘s professor
-
“Facebook is the Internet meat market.” - lizshutterbug‘s professor, Dr. Phillips
- “I just wish I was younger. You wouldn’t be sitting there looking so complicated.” - casenpoint‘s professor Billy Turner
- “Facebook makes me feel like a pervy, voyeuristic old man and I don’t allow it in my class. However, if YOU have an addiction and needs to check it every 30 seconds, just put up your hands and explain to me and I will excuse you outside to check your Facebook or porn or whatever it is you need to do.” - anniesapphire‘s professor
- “Toast is appropriate for any meal.” - fistflight‘s Psychology of Gender professor
- “Citing yourself in a paper is like intellectual masturbation.” - witty-’s writing professor
- “I will expect at least a few anecdotes of sledding on unusual objects…” - fistflight‘s poetry professor
- “And those who didn’t agree with the Federalists were the Antifederalists. Obviously they got to choose their name second.” - cdberrios‘s Poli Sci professor
- “In chemistry something is always taking and the other is always giving. Kind of like life I guess.” - withendlesslove‘s Organic Chemistry professor
- “There are no strobe lights in heaven.” - zspoons‘ Philosophy Professor’s argument against heaven
- “If you’re dumb enough to buy it, you’re dumb enough to live with it.” - gatornicole‘s Finance professor
- “The truth is not democratic, but being right won’t keep you from being burnt at the stake.” -Commenter Dan’s Statics professor Dave Erb at UNC Asheville. Delivered after all but 3 students in the class answered a question incorrectly.
Care to add to the list?
PS: If you liked this, stay tuned for Awesome Things College Professors Say Part II.
“Education is not a *$@%ing guessing game” -said by my ethics professor
Well that would definitely get my attention in class! Thanks for sharing
My cell bio professor: “Think of the pores like the big eye in the Death Star. No, wait, that’s a stupid metaphor, that was a giant laser beam.”
Isn’t that refreshing when professors can admit that something that came out of their mouth was less than fantastic? Love it!
“One cell says to the other…”I lost an electron!” The other cell replies, “Are you sure?!?!” The first then says, “I’m positive!”
“you might want to cover your ears, or you don’t if you really want. This is ‘Amurica’ after all” -chemistry professor warning us before a combustion demonstration.
“This gives rise to water’s weird-ass properties.” -Dr. Schmeltzer, Gen Chem @ UNC-A
“Here’s ANOTHER example. God, I’ve just got sh!tloads of examples.” -Dr. Schmeltzer
“So, that’s basically all about me. I’m sure you can read more about me on ‘myprofessorsucks.com’ or something.” -Dr. Dohse @ UNC-A, First day of Stats
On the first day of my ethics class, the professor came in right on time, then led the entire class in singing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song. Clearly some of the students had experienced this before, and were quite ready.
Seriously?! That would be completely unexpected to hear the Spongebob Squarepants theme song led by your professor! Thanks for sharing, Dan.
Alex, I love that you have a rolling tab already of hilarious things your professor says. Thanks for sharing!
It’s funny how your professor is quick to make sure everyone feels like they have their American rights
Thanks T-Dawg!