How to Keep Your Identity in a Relationship

We’ve all had those friends who are wonderful, interesting, and fun people to be with when they are on their own but as soon as they get into a relationship they become a muted version of themselves. They take on attributes of the other person and sometimes completely lose what made them them before the relationship started. Here are some dos and dont’s to help you maintain your identity while rocking your relationship.

Do try new things together. The best couples not only have a lot in common, but they also grow together. Finding new interests that both of you share can be a lot of fun together. Try going to a play, or a cheese tasting. Take a cooking class together or learn how to plan an herb garden. Give the driving range a shot together. Maybe you’ll find a passion that you both share.

Don’t wear matching clothing. At least not on purpose. If your friends see you wearing matching “Thing One and Thing Two” t-shirts, not only will you lose your street cred, but you’ll look permanently whipped.

Do date a friend. Now I’m not saying that you should only date people you’ve known for a long time or that best friend of the opposite gender that is now more like a sibling than a attraction at this point. What I’m saying is that you should date someone who you are comfortable being around. Someone that could be a great friend if only you could keep your hands off of each other. You’ll enjoy yourself much more around someone you see as a friend because you won’t be too busy trying to impress them or not embarrass yourself.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. You don’t have to always be dolled up or dashingly handsome — although we do recommend this on a regular basis in order to keep things hot. But sometimes being messy together can be just as much fun as keeping your appearances up. Do a late night Denny’s run in your pajamas. Have a food fight. Play mud volleyball. Get messy together and you’ll be even more comfortable around each other.

Do take turns picking dates. While finding new things that you like to do together, chances are you each have hobbies that you don’t share. It can be fun to teach your better half about things you enjoy. Teach them to make a perfect cheesecake or teach her to shoot pool. This way you’re both keeping your individual hobbies. Take turns picking good date movies.

Don’t merge social media accounts. This even includes creating a Facebook account for your shared pet goldfish. No one wants to talk to Brangelina. They either want to message Brad or Angelina. Social networks can also be a dangerous tool if things go south for you.

Do establish mutual friends. Some people just don’t do well in large groups so introducing your new love to a group of your friends can be very intimidating and can cause some people to retreat. If you don’t already have mutual friends this may take a while to establish, but being in groups of people where everyone is comfortable will help you get to know one another faster and easier. If you’re introducing your new interest to your friends do it on an evening where there will be a lot of time for chatting so they can get to know everyone better.

Don’t get matching tattoos. While they might be endearing now, they may not down the line. Removing tattoos is expensive and painful. Save yourself the trouble by avoiding it altogether.